Mommy Finger, Baby Finger

A lot of people freak out about turning 30. 

Yes, turning 30 is major, but it’s not the end of the world. Trust me. 

It’s been 9 months since I turned 30, and the experiences I’ve had have brought my life so much meaning – even if I’m not thirty, flirty, and thriving like I had in mind.

LOL (Exhale) …

In the last 9 months, I have walked away from a relationship that wasn’t serving me, a job that was draining me, I have grieved, ached, fallen down, and have gotten up multiple times. I dropped my daughter off at school one day after quitting my job, then I drove to the beach one hour away and I found wisdom and laughter as I walked barefoot along the water. There were moments I questioned how I would provide for my family as the breadwinner, times I needed to shut out the noise from friends and family who didn’t understand the pressure of being a single parent, went to therapy two to three times a month, learned so much about myself and my patterns, filled up dozens of pages in my journal with my overthinking train of thoughts, read more books and found really, really good ones, watched my kid turn into a preteen, cried when I learned my grandmother had dementia, cried even more when she got a stroke, bought myself an exercise bike and actually assembled it myself, put together a Christian women’s group, overcame depression, discovered a new level of strength and confidence, accepted an invitation as blogger and editor for a women’s empowerment team in Houston, wondered if I needed anxiety medication, fought for organizational justice, continued to uncover emotional blind spots, moved to a new house, took salsa and bachata classes with complete strangers and made new friends, started painting on canvases again, laughed so hard singing karaoke with my family, practiced resting when I needed it, chopped off my hair, got rid of the blonde, learned to cancel plans for my own self-care, and learned to sleep in. 

It’s been a scattered, messy, hard – yet still beautiful start to my 30s era. In fact, I’m writing this after almost letting anxiety mess up my writing flow. But, then my daughter saw me crying in bed with the bedsheets over my head and when she asked me what was wrong I told her that the anxiety in my chest was interfering with my writing. She took my laptop, opened it, and gently set it in front of me and said, “Yes you can, and I see you have already started. Do your best – even if it’s just halfway.” A few minutes later she came by to see how much I’d written and she was pleasantly surprised. So was I. 

When I look back on the past 9 months and think about what made my 30th year so memorable it’s these two things: 

1. I opened my heart up to the transformation process of allowing myself to live wholly, develop a stronger sense of self-worth and go back to my authentic self. 
2. I learned to show up as myself and I continue to find the courage to improve my life and advocate for myself more than I’ve ever imagined. 

If you just turned 30 or are close to turning 30 and you are feeling overwhelmed and afraid, I think it would first help you to be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling and why. Then, take time to reflect on the life you’re living and think about the life you want to live and what you need to make that life you dream of a reality. Last, stop comparing yourself to others. I had to learn to stop comparing my chapter 30 to someone else’s chapter 25, 35 or 55. Comparison is a thief of joy. Your journey is unique.

Over the last 9 months, I’ve been able to see my growth and I’ve shared my journey on my blog: Mommy Finger, Baby Finger. One thing that has become so clear to me is that true human connection requires courage to be real and the space to feel safe to do so. I’m touched by all those who read my blog, follow me on social media and share personal details of their lives with me and can identify with my story. I hope you know that even with your imperfections, you are so beautiful and so worthy. No one’s got it all together – not even me. We’re all winging it!

If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my blog. I do have plans to redesign my site, so stay tuned because I’M EXCITED!

Love,

Jeannette