Mommy Finger, Baby Finger

Here we are two years later, and it is no surprise that anxiety and depression are still being felt. This past Sunday it was so evident at church.

We received a powerful message about mental and emotional health and the pain of a self-defeating soul. After delivering this message, our pastor at Grace Church invited people up for prayer. I had never seen so many people go up for prayer like I did that day, and I couldn’t help but notice how many moms were wiping away their tears, while their husbands wrapped their arms around them.

So, I needed to write about this because I’m a Christian mom who has been struggling, too. I’ve mentioned in my blog that I am that strong friend that is always there. But, as the strong friend I am almost expected to be fine, so people don’t call to check on me.

I’m still figuring out this new life in Texas (which has felt incredibly depressing, lonely and hard). Like my mom, my faith has helped me navigate life struggles. I have always maintained a strong devotion to God. On the other hand, like many Christians, I have felt shame and guilt over experiencing depression and loneliness in the first place.

On Sunday I experienced a revelation: there are many suffering believers because suffering is a universal, human experience, even for those of great faith. We live in a broken world and life is so full of disappointments. Therefore, it can be so damaging to assume that our emotional issues are the result of a lack of faith, and to condemn a believer with a broken heart.

In Genesis 2:18 God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” However, one thing I’ve learned is that when you think and feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, you feel like being alone. And it also makes us feel as if no one could really love us — including God. You have to fight that urge to hide from others and God, because when we hide, we give the enemy the opportunity to whisper to us that we are alone.

Powerful words from my pastor: You aren’t thinking clear until you are talking to someone.

As a Christian, I am learning to be vulnerable to my feelings, and that can be so uncomfortable. God has wired us for connection and relationships. But often, fear keeps us from experiencing intimacy with God and others. We’re afraid that people will think less of us if they know more about us.

I’m also learning to honestly admit my needs to people I trust and accept the love, help and support that is available to me. We can try to “keep the peace” around us by hiding our pain, but does that keep our peace within? We must bring our pain to light to be healed. No one is capable of doing absolutely everything on their own. Asking for help will be uncomfortable, but the longer you sit alone with your issues and thoughts spinning out of control, the longer the delay to progress and overcome.

A few days ago, I couldn’t hold in everything I was feeling inside even if I tried. I was in the kitchen preparing lunch when the tears started streaming down my cheeks, and my nine-year-old placed her arms around me. I apologized for crying. I apologized because I felt weak for crying in front of her. And this wise, little, nine-year-old left me in complete awe when she said, “You don’t have to be strong. All you have to do is be yourself. The people that love you will still love you.”

Incredible, right?

Say it with me: It’s OK to ask for help. Those that love me will still love me, even when I feel weak.

Above all, keep reading your Bible and keep praying. Thank God for helping you and taking care of you even when you can’t feel it or see it. Depression is not a sin, but how you respond to that depression can be.

God Our Protector
Psalm 91 Whoever goes to the Lord for safety,
whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty,
2 can say to him,
“You are my defender and protector.
You are my God; in you I trust.”
3 He will keep you safe from all hidden dangers
and from all deadly diseases.
4 He will cover you with his wings;
you will be safe in his care;
his faithfulness will protect and defend you.
5 You need not fear any dangers at night
or sudden attacks during the day
6 or the plagues that strike in the dark
or the evils that kill in daylight.

7 A thousand may fall dead beside you,
ten thousand all around you,
but you will not be harmed.
8 You will look and see
how the wicked are punished.

9 You have made the Lord your[a] defender,
the Most High your protector,
10 and so no disaster will strike you,
no violence will come near your home.
11 God will put his angels in charge of you
to protect you wherever you go.
12 They will hold you up with their hands
to keep you from hurting your feet on the stones.
13 You will trample down lions and snakes,
fierce lions and poisonous snakes.

14 God says, “I will save those who love me
and will protect those who acknowledge me as Lord.
15 When they call to me, I will answer them;
when they are in trouble, I will be with them.
I will rescue them and honor them.
16 I will reward them with long life;
I will save them.”