Mommy Finger, Baby Finger

I don’t think anyone can predict how they will grieve, and sometimes grief is not what you expected it to be. 

Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Rest is especially important during grief as it is an exhausting experience. This is why I have given myself a good amount of time to rest. I have learned that grief comes in waves. 

Sometimes the water is calm, and other times it’s overwhelming. All we can do is keep swimming … 

Recently, within a four month period I experienced a double loss. Early grief was intensely emotional for me. After the sadness, confusion, shock, anxiety and guilt wore off, I went through weeks of being unproductive, having nausea, digestive issues, brain fog, hallucinating and isolating. It was so hard to focus at work and stay connected to my loved ones. I still don’t know how I got through 5-hour long interview just two days after experiencing a family tragedy and got the job. 

While I had a big reason to celebrate, it was hard for me to pretend I wasn’t hurting. 

It hit me when a friend of mine text me, “Grief. You’re feeling all the feelings of loving so much and knowing that they’re gone.”

One thing I’ve learned is that grief is messy and painful. There is no other way to describe grief. When you’re in the mess caused by grief, you have to learn to heal in the middle of it. 

I also learned that humor is important during the time of grieving. Growing up, my mother taught me that laughter is the best medicine for the heart. While grieving, I had to learn to laugh again to release some stress. I’m grateful that I have a crazy, funny family even in the chaos. 

My point is, there is a place for every emotion when grieving – whether it’s laughing, crying, or screaming … grief is unpredictable. 

I’m still healing while learning to live in the present moment.