Mommy Finger, Baby Finger

You know how some people are naturally conditioned to give? The kind of people who will stop everything they’re doing to support someone that’s struggling, all the while they could be struggling, too? That’s me.

So often, my well-meaning friends and family will say to me,

“You’re so strong.”

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“I admire you so much.”

“You are a superwoman.”

I am aware that I am that strong friend that never quits, no matter how hard it gets; The resourceful one that always finds a way to make it happen. You don’t have to worry about me much because I am more than capable, right? Wrong.

Here’s the truth: your strong friend gets tired.  

Recently, while lending an ear to a friend an offering encouragement about her situation, I was surprised when she responded, “Well, that’s easy for you to say. You’ve got your life all figured out.” That was a very difficult statement to swallow. Honestly, as the strong friend, I think my struggles become invisible to others.

To be there for your strong friend is to acknowledge that they, too, need to know they are cared for. On the outside – it may appear as though I am a badass single and successful mom who has it “all together.” But, there are days I don’t feel like I have it all together. I look at myself in the mirror and have hard moments with myself. We live in a society that is so deceived by the way things look. The truth is all circumstances, whether positive or negative can be difficult to process. While I may not look like what I am going through, I have been experiencing incredible anxiety and oftentimes sadness along with loneliness since I moved to Texas three months ago.

But, the strong friend often isn’t given the time or space to share those feelings. We’re almost expected to be fine, so people don’t call us to check on us. Friends and family may be around, but often they’re too caught up in their own situations to be there for us.

So, as the strong friend, I journal it out. I go for a run. I cry it out in my room. I give it to God. In fact, today after church, while the large crowd of people made their way out, I sat in my seat just to catch my breath and have quiet time with God. Then, a friendly stranger stopped to say hello and said to me, “I feel like God sent me to tell you this – ‘Don’t give up. Just tell God that you’re tired.’” Being the “strong” person I am, I tried to hold back my tears. But, I started to cry.

As a single mom, I get tired of being independent. I’m constantly worrying, but I’m strong because I know my little one’s life depends on me. But, I would love for someone to hold me in their arms while I am crying. I would love to hear, “Don’t worry – I’ll take care of it.” Sometimes, I struggle to get out of bed because everything feels so heavy. I don’t have super-powers.  

I’m saying this for all the ‘strong friends’ out there – please check on them. Your strong friend needs encouragement and a safe space to vent, too. Give them a call. Make an effort to spend time with them. Ask them how they are doing. You might be surprised to find out that … they are human too.