Mommy Finger, Baby Finger

Often, we don’t even realize who we’re meant to be because we’re so busy trying to live out someone else’s ideas.  – Oprah Winfrey

By the age of six, I knew what set my soul on fire. I loved writing, painting, drawing, being creative and learning everything I could about the world around me through magazines and books. In the third grade, a teacher of mine, Ms. Morita, surprised my parents with a folder containing all my stories and artwork. She told them she saw an opportunity for me to follow my creative path. So, with her help I switched from a public school in L.A. into a visual and performing arts magnet school right across from the University of Southern California. In the fifth grade, my parents would drop me off at Cal State University, Northridge, where I took art classes on the weekends. I loved it.

As I got older, I traded in my paintbrushes for notebooks and pens. I became fond of words, songwriting, and poetry. I secretly stayed up late crafting rap songs — believe it or not — inspired by my hard-knock life and my older brother’s music taste. When high school came around, I was taking AP English and I was in the journalism club. By my senior year I realized that I hadn’t given my career path much thought. I only knew that I wanted to go to college, travel and craft stories for others to read. During this time I had also read a book called “The Sunflower” about an orphanage in Peru and that inspired the humanitarian in me. So, when the day came for me to make that choice, I decided to go with my desire to learn about the world and my creative outlet – storytelling. And, when I couldn’t choose between two majors, I decided to double major in creative writing and journalism.

I didn’t realize it then – I was so fortunate that my parents supported whichever path I chose to go into in college. They never told me to follow the career path with the least amount of struggle, or to continue living their dreams. They gave me the freedom to follow a career path I was interested in – one that would make me happy. Over the next 5 years, school was my responsibility, and I did the work.

Making this life decision for myself in college dared me to be brave and to think for myself. I had to overcome deep fear, worry and anxiety. For one, I was shy as hell my freshman year of college. When other family members heard I was going to school for journalism, they said, “You know you’re going to have to talk to people right?” Right. I will never forget how terrified I was when I did my first “Man on the Street” assignment, where I was sent out to conduct short interviews or random people out on the street. When my classmates weren’t around, I prayed under my breath, “God, why am I doing this?”

It’s been 11 years since that “Man on the Street” assignment. Since then, I’ve had the opportunity to meet and talk to people from all walks of life and each time I get to tell a new story, I’m both honored and humbled. Today, I interviewed a woman who adopted a foster child who had survived domestic violence, homelessness, and exposure to drugs. What I planned to be a quick phone call turned into an hour-long heartfelt conversation. Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot how easy people feel it is to talk to me. I love that conversations can feel so effortless. Perhaps it is because I’ve done this for a long time now – but I’d like to believe that it’s because my work has never been about me. I always make an effort to listen to understand, rather than listen to respond.

Growing up my dad would often say that I was rebellious because I voiced my opinion when I disagreed with his. My mom would say that I had a wild spirit – because I dared to challenge my own fears (and sometimes even hers, too). For instance, she could not get over the fact that when I was 20, I rented a car and drove to California on my own with a newborn to surprise her and my family (I’ll never do that again). However, I realize now that my “rebellious” and “stubborn” nature triggered from my desire to push beyond any limits that were established for me. In other words, I was a rebel with a cause.

Despite the fact that I bumped heads with my parents from time to time in my early years, I’m grateful that when the time came for me to grow up, they gave me the space to make my own decisions – no matter how hard they were. Take it from me, decision making is essential because it helps you gain a sense of belief. When you are not in the driver’s seat of your own life, you are rejecting yourself and your unique purpose. Confidence comes from doing. When you take action, it creates possibilities and opportunities.

Today I asked my mom why she never told me who I should be, and in her broken English she said, “I believed in you and your dad did, too. Also, maybe it’s because we never went beyond high school so we truly didn’t know how to guide you.” I’m 29 now, and when I look back at my life experiences and memories — from the best to the worst — I feel grateful and proud of myself. Half the stuff I did, I did it freaking scared. I don’t always feel 100% confident, but every day I choose authenticity, strength, and faith. Life is an incredible journey, and you get to be the author.