Mommy Finger, Baby Finger

I won’t lie, I sometimes have a love-hate relationship with the stretch marks on my body and my saggy breasts. After I had my daughter, my stomach was so loose and flabby and hung so low it literally looked like dough — no exaggeration. My stretch marks were much, much darker and when my daughter’s dad lifted up my shirt up, he freaked out.

To be honest, I was horrified, too, because I didn’t know how long my body would look like this. I’d seen other women “bounce back” almost immediately after pushing out their babies and I thought this also would be me. That, however, wasn’t the case. I also found that people thought it was appropriate to make comments about the way my body looked. Some, even suggested, “Don’t you think it’s time for you to start working out again?” This made the beginning of motherhood feel stressful and shameful.

Confession: I went years hiding my stomach.

Fast forward six years into the present, the stretch marks and loose skin are still there. Embracing the change hasn’t been the easiest journey but it has been the most powerful emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

It’s so easy for society to forget how beautiful and strong mothers are. It’s so easy to forget the incredible amount of energy, sacrifice, pain and courage it took to birth a child.

My stretch marks and loose skin are reminders of the 36 weeks I carried my daughter and battle scars I earned from the 12 hour labor and birth we went through together. My breasts are a testament of the countless days and nights I spent breastfeeding, rocking, soothing, nurturing and loving her.

The real reward was having a healthy girl, doctors swore was “high-risk miscarriage,” — not wearing a size 0 again.

So, to the critics, I know you think it’s disgusting. (You’re not my type of person, anyway) There was a time when I cared so much about what you thought — to the point I would break down — to the point I was depressed.

And, to those who view me as this bold, confident, mommy warrior — you truly don’t know how much fear or self-doubt I had before posting that picture of my body on Instagram.

Body confidence post-pregnancy is about finding a new mental balance as well as physical. It takes courage, self-forgiveness, time and patience.

Every body is different. Not everyone “bounces back” without a single stretch mark to prove they were every pregnant. Women like me are real. Women like me are sensitive. Women like me are trying to love themselves every single day. Women like me are trying to live our best lives no matter what insecurities we have.

My body is recovering from the 54 pounds I gained during my pregnancy. I don’t have the round booty I used to have when I was an athlete or the stomach definition I used to. In fact, I have stomach pouch. But, I work very hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle and to feel beautiful in my skin. And you know what? I keep it pushing.

My body is definitely different — and so am I.

The changes are my marks of maturity.

I am more than superficial.

I feel stronger than ever.

Motherhood has transformed me from the inside out.

It has also allowed me to see a more kinder, patient, playful and gentler side of me.

And, I have so much love in my heart because of it.